I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
