I should be sponsored by Trojan
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He shit in the fireplace
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
