Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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