Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
This toilet bowl is my home.
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