Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
