Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
