Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
