I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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