Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
