I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
