We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
