this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
