I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
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I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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