He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
