it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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