god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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