Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
