Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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