Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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