She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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