He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
