Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
