Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
