Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
