6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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