Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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