I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
