He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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