i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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