Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
