I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
