How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
