so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
