I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
