Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
