My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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