after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
