i don't like sucking hair
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The air was thick with penises
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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