I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
