be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
