and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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