It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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