its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need a burrito and a hug.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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