no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
