look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
