The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize