And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
