If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
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sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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