im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
