Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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