she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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