When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
