My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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