If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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