Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
