i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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