Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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