I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
