Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
