I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
