There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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