He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
