It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
