i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
