google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
