I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
