dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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