if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
