Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
