And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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